to the atheist who loved me

you and me. like all things else, we are but projections of the same energy. variants, you called them. us.

we do not exist. nothing does.

you and me. we are but molecule and molecule put together. randomly.

that was how it was decided -no, that was how it turned out that your fingers would be a few centimeters longer than mine.

and the sun shall rise and shine just as much, whether we walked under it or not.

and the stars above us, they would fall, whether we watched, or wished, or slept.

for such is the way of light not made for our eyes.

amidst it all, somewhere between (or maybe beyond) darkness and light, there is what you hear and what i said. a string of lines, curved and not, oohs and aahs. it is only by sheer chance that we believe we understand.

we are cosmic dust that "could have flashed by one another, but didn't." we stopped for a little chitchat. and then we moved on again. without purpose or direction. just random movement spurred by other variants of the energy that is also ourselves. without anything to wait for or anything to wait for us - except perhaps that ultimate end. as insignificant, pragmatic, unsentimental, and meaningless as the beginning and the space in between.

there is no all-seeing eye. no universal truth. only relativity. i am not real. because the things that are in me and the things that are me are not. there is only you and the things that you are.

so then you see that the glitch is not really you, but me. i am but a glitch in your reality. or maybe "glitch" is not the right word. i am an occurrence, like all others.

like love and pain and memory. we all come and go, even the open nerve that is absence.

then you'll have to admit. there will be others. because there is no certainty nor finality. no destiny, no design, no God. (only fairies and Santa Claus.)

and when you do find yourself in touch with that other piece of cosmic dust that you'd call "one true love," maybe you'll understand. or perhaps that other piece does not exist out there. maybe you'll understand better.

i know here i misunderstood. forgive me.

11/04/2009