he's still here somehow

somehow i do not have the words for this blog entry.

to put it simply, i found love and let it go.

we were different. we still are.

we spent the hours just talking about anything and everything. as usual. as if we didn't know the end was upon us. but more because we knew for a fact that the end was upon us.

we agreed never to see each other again. never to exchange IMs. never to text. never to communicate.

one final goodbye. and then he left.

funny. i was smiling.

funny. it didn't feel like goodbye.

funny. it felt like he'd be there all the more. like we just promised to stay together. like i know we'll just keep on loving, only this time from farther away.

but it was goodbye.

the future is not mine. i know that. he'll find love. i'll always pray for that.

i'm just hoping he'll remember. the same way i will.

ray of hope

ang barong, bow

..

dear maki,

today i was really sick. slept the entire day, and naturally, dreamed many dreams. i remember only a couple though.

in one, i had to dress up for a play and i was dressing up in Chateau del Mar, Room 205. and there was this folded board game that wouldn't fit into its box because there was something in between the folds. i reached for whatever it was and knew what i would find - your barong, with a pair of gray slacks. i took them and rushed to Room 210 where you were alone and gave them to you as a surprise. you complimented me and complimented me some more like you never did before.

i plopped onto the bed. and you locked the door. and you undressed and dressed into the barong and beamed at me. end of dream.

gladys

-unsent letters, 09/16/2009