Some Nights

Some nights, I hear myself
scream your name into the void
without breaking its silence
Some days I stare
at my palm wishing
I could hit you just once
and not remember you again.

From the Bridges of Madison County

But, I am, after all, a man. And all the philosophic rationalizations I can conjure up do not keep me from wanting you, every day, every moment, the merciless wail of time, of time I can never spend with you, deep within my head.

from My Notebook: Unsent Note

I want to break just a small hole through your walls - just a small one. I want to reach in through the muddles and hollows and touch you somehow. I need to know that when all of this is through, you'll be okay - no, better than okay. You have to be better, less lost, understanding more, happier, more mature, more ready.
I have to touch you somehow, make a difference somehow.
I am bothered by today - hurt and betrayed.
But for as long as I can, I will try.
I cannot let this go to waste - not the tears nor the brokenness, nor the friendship that could have been.
But...
I don't think I can hold out much longer.
So please. Hurry.
-01-21-2009-