there are those times (bitter times) when we just want to let ourselves go and show the people who've hurt us our pain, saying "look what you made of me. look what you turned me into. look at who i've become because of you."

it could be cathartic. to just point the finger at someone else.

but truth is, who and what we are will always, always be our choice.

i'm not supposed to say this

i shouldn't have searched for her. or browsed through her photos.

i should just have stayed away from seeing anything.

because i'll have two whole years to look anyway.

two years.

i'll look at everything and live everything.

oh God, help me.

remind me why.

i have to go.

the calling