how long has it been since the last entry? the past days have sped by so happily. but only because i lay all fear, all responsibility aside. in a closet where they are now tossing and turning, churning, becoming my own monster, my personal ghost.
i am seated in our nipa hut (one that's ready to crumble) just outside the house. i THINK i am quite a sight. a sign of life in this otherwise (but/and usually) silent, unmoving scene.
i see everyone, and everyone can see me. today i am rebelling. today i am up for people to view. today i am not hiding.
see, i want them to see that i can exist here, my space, and have nothing to do with them. this is MY space. i want to explain why i am here. i want you, reader, to understand. but more than that, i want to grasp why i am here. i want it to be tangible enough, solid enough for me to hold and show you. but, as usual, words fail me.
somehow i want to be part of this community. this scenery. somehow i want to make a mark and leave it here, for good. somehow i want to look and stare at all of them and feel that i have every right to. and pretend that it is normal for a girl (it is too tiring to describe me right now) to stare at them.
such longish thoughts. i must write that script now.
-my journal, 10/15/2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
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